Monday, 17 May 2010

Mitch Hedberg Quotes I Found Funny...

  • Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
  • I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.
  • I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
  • A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
  • An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
  • I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.
  • I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.
  • Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
  • My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?
  • I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

1 comment:

  1. "A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer." I like this quote very much. You may like-


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